I have a recurrent stress dream. Whenever my To Do pile threatens to resemble the Great Wall of China or my diary looks fuller than Kate Moss’s or my latest deadline is looming ever closer, my nights are punctuated by unimaginable terrors.
I’ve never been the biggest fan of Vic Reeves and Bob Mortimer and, although I do find them very amusing, thoughts of them don’t pepper my waking moments. But when I reach a crisis of more work than I think I can cope with, I then spend every night with them.
My stress dream starts with me skiing with Vic and Bob. I tell them I’m an expert skier – in real life I haven’t actually skied in twenty-odd years and was never very good at it then. I offer to show them the best slopes while they follow in my wake. Then, to my horror, each of the slopes we ski the snow gets more and more icy, then thinner, then there are patches of grass and rock sticking through until, eventually, the snow peters out completely. I start to panic, but assure them that I know another, even better slope and we set off on the chair lift again only for the same thing to happen. It feels as if I do that all night long and then wake up exhausted.
If I complain of being tired in the day Lovely Kev always says, ‘Skiing with Vic and Bob again?’
And, more often than not , the answer is yes.
Then there are those nights where my head is swirling with unresolved plot problems. I’m sure I’ll be pacing Matthews’ Towers all night, unable to rest. Invariably, I’m gone as soon as my head hits the pillow and I don’t just sleep but sink into a one-night coma . Then, by some miracle of brain machinations which go on while I’m snoring, I wake up and find my plot problems completely and utterly solved. I don’t have a clue what happens in my head while I’m asleep, but I’m eternally grateful that something does.
Sleep and I have always had a tricky relationship. Those of you who know me from Facebook and Twitter will know that I’m equally likely to be found on there in the middle of the night as I am during the day. But I don’t mind my night time wakefulness, I think it’s all part of the creative process. And, if my sleep has to involve Vic and Bob too, then so be it. I just wish I could find some nice, snowy slopes for them one night!
Carole’s latest book is With Love at Christmas. Published by Little, Brown on 25 October, Paperback £6.99
Can the imperfect family really have the perfect Christmas?
Juliet Joyce adores Christmas. She loves the presents, the tree, the turkey, the tinsel, everything. Already the festive spirit is upon her, which is just as well as this Christmas things are starting to get out of hand.
Her son Tom is out of work and bringing home a slew of unsuitable partners; pregnant daughter Chloe and her little boy have moved back in; Juliet’s father, Frank, is getting over a heartbreak of his own and Rita, her eccentric mother, is behaving more erratically each day. And has the chaos got too much for Juliet’s husband Rick?
With the big day fast approaching, Juliet hopes that she can stop everything spiralling out of control, because the only thing she wants is her family all around her and her home to be filled… WITH LOVE AT CHRISTMAS
Thanks, Carole! I’m sure Vic and Bob would be flattered …
Carole’s kind enough to offer a hardback copy of WITH LOVE AT CHRISTMAS as a giveaway. Comment on the oddest person or people you’ve seen in your dreams to be in with a chance to win.